Better Off Dead
by Cliodhna
Summary: When the First Evil forces 22 year old Buffy into the body of Drusilla in 1997, must must do everything she can to return home to close the Hellmouth - without falling for Spike, who can't help but be charmed by the woman who wears his Sire's face. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Buffy's owned by the ever charming Joss Whedon, and I'm getting nothing except (hopefully) reviews for doing this.

A/N: The idea for this fic was pitched to me by a fellow fanfiction . net writer called BellaVision, it was originally called Trapped – and possibly she intended it completely different from how I've written it. But I'm giving it a go, and that's the important thing. Wish me luck, and send me reviews, because they are honestly _so_ helpful. Oh, and vote for me at the Sunnydale Memorial Awards – a link to the site is on my personal fanfiction archive, which you can find a link to on my profile page. If I win anything I'll write a double feature of Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, and you all know how much you'd _love_ that. Also currently updating Stuck On You, Between The Lines, I Wish I May and Sineya. R&R folks.

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_**Better Off Dead**_

Chapter One

Buffy threw the scythe aside and pulled Angel into a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and responded enthusiastically, neither of them noticing the man hidden behind a pillar, watching them, a shadow crossing his face.

'That bitch,' the First whispered to Spike. He ignored her – it. It wasn't Buffy. 'How dare she?' the First continued. 'After everything you've done for her…'

Spike closed his eyes. 'You're wrong,' he said, clenching his fists.

'I'm never wrong,' the First smirked. 'And I know what'll happen…she'll go back to him.'

'She won't,' Spike opened his eyes and looked at the ground.

'I can stop it, you know,' the First said, placing her hand on Spike's cheek. He flinched, although he felt nothing. 'I can make it so none of this ever happens…'

Spike felt his gaze inextricably pulled up to meet the First's. He caught her eye and winced. It still looked like Buffy. He could never refuse her…

'Come on, Spike. Don't you want me all to yourself?' the First gazed at him, the smirk fading from her face.

'God, yes,' Spike sighed, staring at her.

'I can do that,' the First smiled. Spike's eyes widened.

'What? Do what?' he asked desperately, but the room was already spinning.

Suddenly, everything went black.

XXXXX

Buffy was enveloped in Angel's kiss; she was reliving her teenage years; they were the only people in the world. The sea crashed to shore and orchestras swelled and her insides were tap dancing and her legs were turning to jelly.

And then –

Nothing. Everything was gone. All black. Thoughts swarmed around her mind, self realisations that she'd never remember when she came to; declarations of love she'd regret if she did remember, and flaw-filled escape plans. They might not have been so flawed if she knew what she was supposed to be escaping from. She tried moving. When she found herself unable to, she was reminded uncomfortably of her own coffin. The dark. The dank. No escape.

Suddenly, the darkness lifted. She became aware that she was standing up. She couldn't yet open her eyes, but took several huge gulps of fresh air.

_God,_ she thought. _What is that taste? _Suddenly she heard a voice.

'Do you love my insides?' it said in a singsong voice. 'The parts you can't see?'

_Wait_, she thought. _I know that voice._

'Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet,' came the reply. _I definitely know_ that _voice,_ Buffy thought. _Where _am _I?_

'That's why I've got to study this slayer. Once I know her I can kill her. And once I kill her you can have your run of Sunnyhell. Get strong again.'

'Don't worry,' came the singsong voice. A horrible realisation hit Buffy. 'Everything's switching…' said the voice, as Buffy realised it was _her_ speaking.

'Really? Did my pet have a vision?' said the male voice, which Buffy now recognised as Spike's. Where _was_ she?

Buffy's vision cleared, and the scene swam before her. Spike was standing before her, looking concerned. Buffy was suddenly aware that she was no longer speaking someone else's words. Nothing was coming out.

'Um,' she said, trying to recognise the sound of her own voice. 'I need to think, Spike,' she said, just for something to say, in order to hear her voice once more. It dawned on her.

'I'm Drusilla?' she asked, nonplussed.

'Yes, you're my dark princess,' Spike said, leading her over to a chair and sitting her down on it. He crouched down next to her, looking up at her. 'Come on now, talk to daddy. What did you see?'

Buffy looked down at herself. She was clad in an ivory gown which brushed her ankles. She looked at the hair tumbling down onto her shoulders. It was black. She looked at her nails. They were long, pointed; lack with white tips.

She was Drusilla. How had this happened?

'I don't know,' she said, sounding more upset than she'd intended. Suddenly she became aware of a great pain, not in any particular part of the body – but coming from her core, bubbling up at the centre of her being.

Buffy brushed the dark hair out of her eyes. The pain, which was growing more intense, the more aware she became, must mean that she was Drusilla before she was cured.

'Which means you're still very much evil,' she whispered, looking at the anxious face of the vampire next to her. Buffy felt a great rush of affection towards Spike. How many times had she looked at her – the _real_ her – that way? Countless times.

'Well, yeah, love. Kind of the point,' Spike said, taking one of her hands. 'Are you hungry?'

Buffy bit her lip. Yes, she was.

'No, I'm not,' she said_. Oh, so_ that's _what that taste is_, she thought.

'Does this mean I should kill you?' Buffy frowned at Spike, who reeled back, surprised.

'What's that pet?' he asked, eyes wide.

'Spike – I'm not -' she faltered.

'Not what, love?'

She exhaled deeply, not noticing that the oxygen was stagnant in her lungs. 'I'm not Drusilla, Spike.'

Spike dropped her hand and stood up. 'What?'

'Now, don't fight me here, 'cause I'm not sure how much strength I got here – but it's Buffy.'

'Buffy?' Spike spat. 'No, you're Dru, I can see that you're Dru!'

'No, it's really Buffy,' she said, standing up, marvelling at how dreamy and manic her voice sounded even when she attempted to be businesslike. 'I'll prove it.'

Spike began to look scared. 'Dru, sit down – you're sick, I'll make Dalton find a cure…'

'I know the cure, Spike. I'm Buffy. From the future. I know how to fix Dru.'

'You had a vision, pet?'

'No, Spike, It's Buffy! I _lived _it, don't you see? I watched you find the cure five years ago!'

Spike brushed his cold hand against her cold cheek. 'Why?' he asked. 'Why have you taken her away from me?'

'Gee, that makes me feel good,' Buffy huffed, sitting down again.

'What business is it of mine to make you feel good?' Spike seethed.

'You kind of love me where I'm from, you know.'

Spike rolled his eyes. 'Tell me the cure for Dru, Slayer, and don't tell any more porkies.'

Buffy sighed. She knew how to do the ritual without killing Angel, after all…and the pain was excruciating…

'The Cross of Du Lac. Plus the book. And you need Angel. But, seeing as I'm Buffy and all, you do it without killing him.'

Spike shot her a scathing look.

'Miss Edith needs her tea…' came a voice from the shadows. Spike spun around in surprise, and Buffy leaped to her feet in confusion.

'What's this?' Drusilla asked, wide eyed. 'Another me?'

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A/N: It's just short, I know, but the updates will get longer. It'll probably be around a six chapter fic, 'cause I've got a lot going on right now. But I hope you enjoyed, and leave a review.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

A/N: Terribly sorry, especially to BellaVision, about how long this has taken me! I've had so much RL issues going on, and fanfiction has had to take a bit of a backseat for a while. But here I am, and here you are, I recommend rereading the first chapter again, it'll make more sense then, I hope. Take notes though, cause there's a fairly complicated plot to come! Reviews are love.

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Chapter Two.

'_Miss Edith needs her tea…' came a voice from the shadows. Spike spun around in surprise, and Buffy leaped to her feet in confusion._

'_What's this?' Drusilla asked, wide eyed. 'Another me?'_

'No!' Buffy insisted quickly. 'Not another you at all. I'm the Slayer.'

'The Slayer?' Drusilla said, wonderingly. She looked at Spike.

'Don't look at me, love, I've got no idea what's goin' on.'

'I can see you…' Drusilla breathed, advancing on Buffy. 'You're still golden.'

'It's definitely Buffy, Dru?' Spike asked his Sire urgently.

'Oh yeah…' Drusilla said softly.

'Then I'll kill her,' Spike thundered, turning away from Drusilla and fixing his icy blue eyes on Buffy.

'Aw, Spike, come on, you know I'll just…wait,' Buffy held her hand up to halt Spike. 'You don't know. You don't know anything.'

'What don't I know, Slayer?' Spike snarled, his eyes turning yellow. 'Don't know how to kill you…yet? I think I can work it out…'

'You don't know how to kill me ever, Spike,' Buffy said, desperately. She didn't want to fight him. 'I hate that you don't know me.'

'I know you. You're a glorified cheerleader with super strength. In Dru's body…tainting her,' Spike growled, inching closer to her.

Buffy raised her eyebrows. 'Tainting her? How much more tainted can you get?'

Spike hissed at her words, and threw himself at her. Buffy landed with a crash on the floor of the factory; her defences down, and feeling unwilling to hurt Spike. She couldn't turn off the feelings she had for him even if this wasn't the same man she knew.

She scrambled to her feet, and aimed a sharp kick to Spike head. Spike retaliated, and the fight continued, getting more and more bloody, and brutal, while Drusilla hovered in the background, trying to clear her mind of the singsong voices which haunted her whilst the slayer was around. She couldn't explain it, couldn't understand it, but when Buffy was nearby, Spike seemed to be gone to her. She slid to the ground and crouched down low, watching as her childe threw her doppelganger against the wall.

'This is all…wrong…' she moaned, clutching at her hair. 'Sunshine kills!' she screamed, before loping out of the factory and into the street beyond.

'Dru!' Spike yelled, throwing Buffy to the ground.

'Ow, Spike, geez!' Buffy muttered.

'What's wrong, slayer, feeling faint?' Spike said nastily.

'I feel like crap. Poor Drusilla,' Buffy sighed. 'What's the date, Spike?'

Spike frowned. 'October 29th.'

'Huh. And what year?'

'What the bleeding hell are you talking about, Dru- I mean – Slayer!' he spat the last word.

'I've been sent from there, to here, in this, and from that – I'm hugely confused Spike, can't you just trust me on this? We're friends, me and you. We're a team!'

Spike raised an eyebrow. 'Exactly how stupid do you think I am, you puny little girl?'

'Spike, come on. The year.' Buffy shuffled over to the factory wall and leaned against it, sitting on the ground. 'Wow, you really did a number on my back,' she muttered.

'It's 1997,' Spike conceded. 'Why don't you know?'

'Because I'm from 2003,' Buffy sighed. 'So I'm a - wait, did you say October 1997?'

'Yes,' Spike said tersely. 'Tell me again why I'm not killing you?'

'You love me,' Buffy said without thinking much about it. 'We need to get to Giles.'

'Your Watcher?' Spike said, confused.

'Yes, and Spike, please, will you help me? I can't do this without you, and I know you're technically my enemy now, but if you help me, I'll give you Drusilla's cure, I promise.'

Spike looked at her. There was nothing but adoration there for a split second, before his features were once more riddled with hatred. 'I could never deny Drusilla,' he said gruffly. 'I'll help you, if you help me save her.'

Buffy's felt a lump rise in her throat. She had never realised quite how much she appreciated Spike's affection for her before. And now, seeing him how he was…he didn't love her. He didn't even want her.

'I'll help you.'

xXx

Drusilla flitted through the streets, as dark as the night itself. Her white dress rippled, reflecting moonlight, radiating it and making her look ghostly and beautiful. She reached the deep corner of the street and, slamming her fist through the fragile glass of the door; she reached for the doorknob and turned. It was unlocked; the owner was standing behind the counter, terror spilling onto his face like the blood that would soon cover it. She tiptoed over to the woman and, leaning into her, whispered 'do you know who I am?'

The woman shook her head almost imperceptibly.

'Good,' Drusilla whispered. 'Could you help me, please?'

'W-what do you need help with?' the woman said, clearly aware that she was not dealing with an ordinary citizen of Sunnydale.

'I need some kind of time travel…fixer…thing…' Drusilla said vaguely dancing over to the table labelled 'miscellaneous charms' and reaching for a rabbit's foot.

'Time travel? That's a – I mean, that's not an easy – that is to say, do you have the expertise…' she trailed off at the look Drusilla fix her with.

'I want it. You'll give it to me _now_, and then you'll make it happen, won't you?' Drusilla dropped the rabbit's foot and trailed a single finger along the woman's cheek. Her nails were scarlet against her pale skin.

'Yes. Yes, I'll, I'll do whatever you want,' she stuttered and dropped Drusilla's gaze. 'I'll need to find a book.'

xXx

Buffy marched ahead of Spike who lagged behind staring at the form of his dark princess. She was, of course, disgusting to him right now. There was nothing of his love, his sire left inside that delicious body. She was the slayer through and through, he could tell. But there was something – something in the way she spoke. She really talked like they were friends. It was more to add to the list of things tonight that he hated.

'I don't know if Giles'll be cool with inviting you in, Spike, you are evil in this time,' Buffy said, slowing down to allow him to catch up. 'Wait – I won't be able to get in! What if – what if he doesn't believe it's me?' She looked lost for a moment.

'Don't worry, I'll tell him you're the slayer. Why would I lie about that?' Spike stuffed his hands in his pockets. 'I wonder where Dru went?'

'We'll find her after, I just need to warn Giles about Ethan,' Buffy said distractedly. 'We're here.'

She tripped nervously down the steps to his courtyard and knocked on the heavy front door. After a beat, it opened to reveal her watcher.

'Giles!' Buffy yelped, and threw her arms around him. 'Thank God!'

'How did you just do that?' Giles demanded, throwing Buffy off him.

'What?' Buffy asked, hurt. 'Oh, wait, it's Buffy. Not Drusilla. Spike's here too.'

'Yes, I had seen that, but my question wa- you're Buffy?' Giles said disbelievingly. Inevitably, he reached for his glasses and began giving them a thorough wipe down.

'Yeah. And hey, you're right, how come I could just walk right in here?' Buffy looked around in vague confusion.

'My thoughts precisely,' Giles said, replacing his glasses onto his nose. 'Now, miss, if you really are Buffy, you'll let me tie you up and -'

'Giles, this is so not the time for bondage fun!' Buffy said, smiling despite herself. 'I'll prove it's me. Again.'

'Again?' Giles said, crossing his arms.

'Yeah, believe it or not, this is not the last time you'll have this conversation with me,' Buffy said, looking up at her watcher. 'Okay, um, when you slept with – oh hang on, that's not happened yet. Uh, you and your teenage friends created a demon called Eyghon back in your 'Ripper' days!'

'How do you know about that?' Giles gasped.

'Ah yeah, that probably wasn't a good choice, seeing as present day Buffy doesn't know about that yet…' Buffy frowned and scratched her head. 'Look, I'm Buffy; can't you just look at me and see it?'

Spike stepped out of the shadows. 'If it helps, she definitely is the Slayer. And I'm still stuck in the breezy outdoors, you know.'

'You're certainly not coming in!' Giles scoffed.

'Oh just let him in Giles, it'll save time later.' She sat down on the couch as Giles reluctantly invited Spike into his home.

'Okay, say I believe you're Buffy,' Giles began. 'What happened to you?'

'Well, here's where is gets tricky Giles…I'm not just Buffy trapped in Drusilla's body, I'm Buffy from 2003, sent back in time and trapped in Drusilla's body. And I have no idea why.' Buffy put a hand to her forehead. 'And I feel…awful.'

'Dru's been sick,' Spike supplied. 'Looks like the slayer caught it when she doppelgangered.'

'Oh, and Giles, your friend Ethan, he's in town. Selling Halloween costumes that are evil. You'll need to smash the statue of Janus in the back room of the shop.'

Giles was open mouthed with shock. 'I think I should call Buffy,' he said, tripping over himself to get to the phone.

'This is the crack team that foils my every plot?' Spike sighed under his breath. Buffy chuckled, and leaned her head on his shoulder. 'Pretty much.'

xXx

'I've never done a casting of this magnitude before,' the magic shop owner whispered, feeling sick. 'And with no object to concentrate the casting on…'

'There's nothing but the fire, my dearie!' Drusilla said happily. The woman wiped away a tear. 'Okay, here we go.' She poured a pentagram of sand around herself and lit the single candle sitting in front of her. 'Transporto suus tergum ut vicis est vilis pro.' She paused here and looked upwards. Drusilla clapped her hands and laughed. The woman's eyes turned liquid black. 'Transporto suus ut vicis diligo suus plurimus!' She cried, and the candle went out. The laughter abruptly stopped. 'I'm sorry, did I do it wrong?' she choked, wiping her eyes away. 'Ma'am? Ma'am?' she called. But Drusilla was nowhere to be seen.

xXx

'What am I going to do, Spike?' Buffy whispered. 'This is awful. What if everything I do messes up the timeline?'

'Get off me, Slayer,' Spike said, shuffling away from her touch. Buffy came to herself. 'Sorry. I know you're – sorry. I just – you have to understand that you, in my time, you're the only one I can really trust.'

Spike stared at her. 'How?' he breathed.

Buffy looked down, and choked back a sob. 'It takes years and years of fighting yet, Spike.'

At that moment, Giles returned to them with Buffy and Angel, who had arrived a few minutes previously. Giles had insisted in taking them aside and explaining as best he could before exposing them to the vampires in his living room.

'Drusilla,' Angel hissed when he saw her.

'Buffy, actually,' she sighed, and stood u to greet them.

'Lemme get this straight,' the younger Buffy flipped her hair back. 'This is Drusilla, whom you' she pointed to Angel, 'sired back in your bad vamp days, who then went on to sire Sunnydale's resident badass, Spike here,' she gestured at Spike, who smiled wryly 'but trapped inside this evil looking shell is me from six years into the future?' She stared up at them all. 'Have I got that right?'

'Yes,' Buffy agreed, trying to sound businesslike but failing to rid her new voice of its dreamy quality.

'So, tell me,' the younger Buffy leaned into Drusilla's thin frame. 'How am I?'

Buffy smiled. 'You're good. You're confused, but you're good. Don't wear that stupid dress that Ethan sold you.'

'What? But it's beautiful! And Angel's not supposed to know!' she hissed.

The older Buffy rolled her eyes.

'Never seen Dru do that before,' Spike said, mostly to himself.

'So, Giles,' Buffy cocked her head at her watcher. 'What do we do?'

xXx

Drusilla looked around, taking in her surrounding with surprise. This had not been her intent…but it was certainly interesting. She was somewhere in the middle of – from what she could gather – the Boxer Rebellion.

'I smell fear…' she whispered. 'It's intoxicating…' she spied herself, a hundred years younger, in the distance. 'Again.'

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A/N: This fic has taken a pretty weird turn, but I'm running with it! Please review, it really does help me work. Promise not to leave such a big gap again.


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